


How Cloud Saved The Planet With His Ass

by Rellanka



Series: A Year Of Cloudy Skies [4]
Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Crack, Exteme Crack, M/M, Mild Spoilers For FF7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rellanka/pseuds/Rellanka
Summary: Make love, not war.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: A Year Of Cloudy Skies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697269
Comments: 14
Kudos: 386





	How Cloud Saved The Planet With His Ass

**Author's Note:**

> Cloud's teammates walk in on something they didn't want to see, or: 
> 
> What happens when Sephiroth's poorly-planned seduction techniques finally pay off?
> 
> Takes place sometime after the group all gets together and contains spoilers for FF7, but could easily take place in the future of the Remake timeline.

Tifa, Barret and Aerith stumbled to a halt, frozen in the same shared, embarrassed terror at the sight before them. 

It was Aerith who finally let out a cough before reaching forward to shut the door- as best she could, at least, broken as it was. And while it did block the sight, at least mostly- it did almost nothing to block the sounds. 

Tifa was staring at the door as if she could see through it, shaking, her hands clenched into tight fists. “He’s raping him! Sephiroth is _raping_ Cloud! We have to help him!”

At possibly the worst timing possible Cloud’s voice cried out for Sephiroth to go harder, and the group paused and then winced in unison. 

“Fucking shit, Tif’, that don’t sound anythin’ like someone being forced to **me!** ” Barret snapped as more encouraging and pleasured noises sounded from the door, turning away to run a hand over his head and letting out a deep gust of air. 

Tifa whirled to face him, her expression set, “Then Sephiroth is controlling him somehow! Some sort of mind control! Cloud would never-“

Grimacing, Aerith interrupted her before she could say that Cloud wouldn’t do something he definitely _would_ do, as he currently _was_ doing it, “He wasn’t looking at me, but… I, ummm… I saw his eyes. Cloud’s… definitely in control.” 

Tifa searched Aerith’s own eyes for a moment, her expression falling more and more at seeing how certain Aerith was. She bowed her head and allowed her hair to cover her face, even as she couldn’t prevent herself from shaking in rage. 

Aerith and Barret both glanced at each other nervously, a silent conversation playing between them as they both tried to figure out whether or not allowing Tifa to cockblock two super-powered soldiers was a good idea, or if dragging an enraged Tifa away was even an option. 

Their lucky break came in Tifa turning away under her own power and stomping down the corridor, breaking floorboards beneath her feet at times with the force of her steps. Aerith and Barret paused after her for another awkward few seconds, before following. It was probably best to allow the two Soldier’s time to… finish their ‘business’. 

They would explain to the rest of the group, who were still searching the rest of the building, why continuing the search was **not** a good idea.

***

When Cloud rejoined the group with a surprisingly passive Sephiroth trailing behind him, saying that Sephiroth was on their side now, Tifa punched him so hard he went through a wall. 

He took it as his due.

Unfortunately, Sephiroth didn’t take the attack on Cloud so lightly. For the next few hours, the rest of the group was forced to do their best to stay out of the way of Cloud protecting Tifa from being skewered on the end of Masamune, while Sephiroth tried his best to skewer her without hurting Cloud at all. It was an awkward dance that only ended when Cloud pulled Sephiroth down into a fierce kiss, which was followed by Sephiroth throwing him over his shoulder and the two of them disappearing for the rest of the day. None of the group dared to ask where they had been or what they had been doing when they came back. 

Nor did they ask the next day when the scenario repeated with Cloud being forced to protect Barret, after the man idly wondered out loud whether or not Cloud could use his ass to convert all their enemies to the good side.

The group unanimously agreed that Sephiroth would probably cut said enemies down first, which might be just as beneficial for them with the way it would solve their problems, anyway. 

…Of course, that led to some of them (mostly Yuffie and Barret, but sometimes Vincent) making sure to point out the ‘suggestive’ way that any enemy they wanted taken down was looking at Cloud. Wasn’t [said enemy] being awfully flirtatious? Did they just catch [said enemy] looking at Cloud’s ass?! Gasp! Shock, horror, the scandal of it!

It worked like a damn charm.

Even, to everyone’s complete bafflement, with **Jenova**.

And that was why, at the end of their journey with the world successfully saved and Sephiroth successfully redeemed, instead of erecting a monument to Meteor, Shinra erected a monument to Cloud’s ass. 

(But they claimed it was Rufus’, because they didn’t want to **die.** )

**Author's Note:**

> Now just picture Sephiroth squinting up at the ass monument suspiciously. Those curves looked _awfully familiar._
> 
> Meanwhile, Reno and Rude sweat nervously behind him. 
> 
> ***
> 
> This thing really devolved on me, and I’m not even **sorry**.
> 
> So I know that a few of y'all might be wanting the second part of my Andrea/Cloud fic. And I'm really glad that you liked it enough to want more! But, uh, upon rereading the second part I realized that I kind of just jumped directly to marriage life in that fic (it was a time jump), so I thought just maybe I should write a couple of fics between them to go a bit more into their relationship before posting it. So it'll be a bit longer before the series is done. 
> 
> In the meantime, have this bit of garbage! I wrote this a long time ago, but I feel that it is even more relevant now, considering that the Remake made Cloud into a thirst trap for everyone around him. A fact that I love very, very much. And while this fic is basically trash, it was _fun_ trash for me to write, so I love it. Hope at least one other person gets a kick out of it!


End file.
